Sorry to Stare 👀| ideal self vs. actual self

A mentor introduced me to the idea of coming to terms with how we define ourselves. She explained that our collective consciousness has two definitions of self. One is the ideal - a definition of our personality, identity, how we feel, how we love, etc. that is composed of qualities we want to associate ourselves with. It is kind of like a personality filter. In contrast, there is our actual self. This version is often how others view us, and one that reflects how we actually move through life on the day to day - how we learn, work, and socialize best. This version is the one that we have to come to terms with. Once we do, making choices to better ourselves, discover passions, decide career paths, make friends, and more, becomes that much clearer and that much more tactical. 

My ideal self is creative, funny, always the life of the party, learns by doing, is entrepreneurial, and sings well outside of the shower. My actual self is also creative and funny, with aspects of the other qualities listed. However, I also take life very seriously and intensely and work very hard and very obsessively; sometimes I need role models and structures in place to learn best. This allows me to only be the life of the party every once in a while, and no one will know if I sing well outside of the shower because I’ll never try that out. I have now realized, all of this is okay. 

Now, I am curious what the balance is between striving for the ideal and embracing the actual. To me, one reflects ambition and the other acceptance. I’ll always be ambitious and strive for better. A better student, a better friend, a better daughter. However, this lesson has taught me that by accepting my actual self, and moving accordingly in the way that best suits my true personality and actual lifestyle, may in fact improve my life without forcing myself to become the most ideal or fictionalized version that I see inside my head. Acceptance doesn’t always equal failure. 

Good reads:

ANDERSON .PAAK | T Magazine “The Greats” (NYT)

Sometimes when he is alone, like on a long flight, “I just break out and start crying randomly,” .Paak says. “I’ll just be watching a random thing on TV and I’ll start sobbing. Even watching a blank screen and just sobbing.” The smile on his face is both a genuine expression of joy and a way to master pain. “I smile when I’m happy, smile when I’m angry,” he says, “smile when I’m hungry, smile when I’m full.” The smile, like the wigs, helps free him to make art out of even his most brutal experiences.

The Queens Of Crypto: BFF’s Brit Morin And Jaime Schmidt (Forbes)

We figured if the men weren’t going to let all the women into their groups, why don't we create our own? How can we inform people about this new thing that's coming down the pipeline and not feel like we are ostracized?

We don’t think about the limitations of being women in Web3. We think about the opportunities that exist for us to build a broader network that allows others to join in.

The Morning-After Pill Gets a Gen-Z Rebrand (WSJ)

Amid widespread efforts to step up digital marketing for morning-after pills, more female-focused healthcare companies are turning to TikTok campaigns that encompass a mix of education and humor. Though the methods of companies like Get Stix Inc. and Hey Favor Inc. are unusual within the drug market—including memes, viral audio clips and upbeat explainers—they are becoming more common as brands across industries aim to reach Gen Z shoppers now coming of age.  

Dating Apps Thrive in China, but Not Just for Romance (NYT)

Many users of these dating apps appear less interested in romance than in meeting friends. In an October survey conducted by a Chinese research institute, 89 percent of respondents said they had used a dating app before, with a majority saying they wanted primarily to expand their social circles, not find a partner.

How Twitch lost the battle for its soul (The Verge)

Twitch built itself to the juggernaut that it is by being creator-first, and it doesn’t seem like that’s the case anymore. Streamers feel that the platform that was once so focused on its primary asset — creators — has now been replaced with something overwhelmingly concerned with ad buys and extracting capital.

The usual.

What I’m reading - The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid (don’t waste your time IMO)
What I’m listening to - HOORAE: Issa Rae How I Built This with Guy Raz
What I’m watching - Bad Sisters (Apple TV+) (slept on and sooo good!)